" Jesus Loves You but the Rest of Us Think You're an A-Hole "
"Yeah, I'm Into Fitness....Fit-ness Whole Pizza into My Mouth"
"I hate When I Go to the Kitchen For Food and All I Find is Ingredients"
"Don't Blame the Holidays....You Were Fat Back in August"
"My Stomach is FLAT but the "L" is Silent"
"I'm So Gay I Can't Even Drive Straight"